Don't you even… Don't either look at anything else, just-well, obviously you've got to look at everything else to find Escape Pod, but as soon as you've looked at something and it doesn't say Escape Pod, look at something else, look at the next thing. Let's go in! Look for a switch that says escape pod, alright? Don't touch anything else. But don't be alarmed, all right? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling, because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage. Now, you've been under for … quite a bit longer, and it's not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of serious brain damage. Most test subjects do experience some, uh, cognitive deterioration after a few months in suspension.Nobody murdered me, or put me in a potato, or fed me to birds. You know what my days used to be like? I just tested. And I'll be honest - killing you is hard. The best solution to a problem is usually the easiest one. You know, deleting Caroline just now taught me a valuable lesson. The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain. I thought you were my greatest enemy, when all along you were my best friend. You know, being Caroline taught me a valuable lesson. Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it? Just remember to land on one foot. And you just put him in charge of the entire facility.
He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts. Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere … well, we are going somewhere. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So, how are you holding up? Because I'm a potato! Oh, good. So i guess it's actually pretty funny when you do the math. Well, you know the old formula: Comedy equals tragedy plus time.Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably – Oh, wait. On other people it looks fine, but right here a scientist has noted that on you it looks "stupid". That's not me talking, it's right here in your file. That jumpsuit you're wearing looks stupid.Nobody but you is that pointlessly cruel. Do you know who else murders people who are only trying to help them? Did you guess "sharks"? Because that's wrong. Speaking of which, I was researching sharks for an upcoming test. Excellent! You're a predator and these tests are your prey.It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface.Test on your own recognisance, I'll be right back. If you have any questions, just remember what I said, in slow motion. Wait, this next test does require some explanation. Anyway, just an interesting science fact. Did you know that people with guilty consciences are more easily startled by loud noises? I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off.Here come the test results: "You are a horrible person." That's what it says: a horrible person. I'll start getting everything else working while you perform this first simple test - which involves deadly lasers and how test subjects react when locked in a room with deadly lasers. I've really let the place go since you killed me. You know, if you had done that to someone else, they might devote their existence to exacting … revenge. I was able – well, forced, really – to relive you killing me. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
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